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Nov. 16th, 2010 | 02:52 am
music: Glen Burtnik - Another | Powered by Last.fm

I need to vent. and hard.

I was going through my friends list on here the other day when I came across a post from an old friend of mine. (it pains me to say "old friend", btw.. but more on that later.) It said:

"And I refuse to jeopordize my love life THIS time. It's too good to just give it up. So, I'll stay my dorky, sub defective virginal self until Cali, 2011. I have to. Why? Because in my heart I know... that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about. :)"

It made me cry. Yes, Cry. I'll be the first to admit that I'm being selfish about this whole thing, but you know what? There's only so many promises a person can make just to break and so many times a person can hear "I don't have any friends anymore" before they finally break.

Anyway; here's a little backstory.

Early 2009, my Best Fucking Friend Forever (BFFF) and I made a pact. A pact to risk everything and find adventure out in California during summer 2011. We promised no falling in love until then. We promised to stick with each other through everything being the rock that we both needed to be strong. I'll say that I did break that promise a few times. I never found love, no, but I did have crushes and innocent'ish fun along the way. But I always kept my eye on the prize. I knew that once I hit California and found what we were looking for, life would be nothing but golden from then on out. We stayed strong, talked all the time, hung out every night, laughed, had movie parties and dreamed of the future. Everything stayed perfect until August 2010. After over a year of working hard to make everything happen, the whole plan foils.

That's when my BFFF found "true love". Now, I'm not doubting that her and her boyfriend are really in love, because they truly seem like it and they seem genuinely happy, but it just hurts. REALLY FUCKING BAD. We started talking less and less, until we spoke only through memories and comments on facebook. Everything was "boyfriend this and boyfriend that." I, however, thought "Oh, it's just a phase, it'll blow over, I'll have my BFFF and my Cali trip back soon enough." That never happened. That will never happen. In less than 3 months I lost a BFFF and a potentially amazing future. I had to make "appointments" to hang out with her. Once, I asked her if we could watch a movie and she told me "If we watch it during the day, it'll have to be Friday because he's on vacation until then." Okay, you LIVE with him. I'm only asking, as a friend, for two, maybe three hours of your time and you couldn't even spare those few hours with me.

I'm so disappointed that a week or so ago, you started saying that you needed someone to talk to, and when someone asked why, you replied with "I don't have any friends anymore." I was not the one to abandon this friendship. I had merely abandoned all hope for things ever being as great as they once were, but I still loved my BFFF as much as I did the whole 3 1/2 years we were friends. I don't understand what made you think we weren't friends anymore. I don't know if I did something. I know I wasn't around as much as I used to be, but I figured you were off falling in love while I was off hanging out with friends who didn't ditch me. I always thought it was "Bros before hoes", but apparently for you, it's just the opposite of that.

I'm sorry I "deleted you" from facebook, but there's only a certain amount of times a person can read over and over again in survey after survey, that we're no longer friends. I just wish you had come to me and talked to me about it. Talked to me about what I had done to you that was so bad. I know I wasn't as supportive as I could have been when you told me you were pregnant and planning on getting married in the fall. But what could I have said? Thanks for breaking a promise. Thanks for putting me on the back burner. Thanks for absolutely nothing. Now, while I'm ecstatic that you're having a baby, I'm not so ecstatic that it's with the first person who has showed you any sort-of affection at all. You could have been truly happy with me and the boys out West. Now, it'll only be a memory because you're stuck. Stuck in the life you've made for yourself in just three short months. I'm being selfish, I know, but you know what? So were you.

So, have fun living life as a mother and a wife at the age of twenty-two. I hope everything works out for you just as you hope. I hope someday we can be best friends again. Lastly, I hope that you're happy and that your life is absolute bliss from here on out. I may have some hard feelings toward you and everything that's happened, but I will always love you as my sister and my best fucking friend forever, man.

-Sarah.

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