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what ever happened to...

Nov. 16th, 2010 | 02:52 am
music: Glen Burtnik - Another | Powered by Last.fm

I need to vent. and hard.

I was going through my friends list on here the other day when I came across a post from an old friend of mine. (it pains me to say "old friend", btw.. but more on that later.) It said:

"And I refuse to jeopordize my love life THIS time. It's too good to just give it up. So, I'll stay my dorky, sub defective virginal self until Cali, 2011. I have to. Why? Because in my heart I know... that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about. :)"

It made me cry. Yes, Cry. I'll be the first to admit that I'm being selfish about this whole thing, but you know what? There's only so many promises a person can make just to break and so many times a person can hear "I don't have any friends anymore" before they finally break.

Anyway; here's a little backstory.

Early 2009, my Best Fucking Friend Forever (BFFF) and I made a pact. A pact to risk everything and find adventure out in California during summer 2011. We promised no falling in love until then. We promised to stick with each other through everything being the rock that we both needed to be strong. I'll say that I did break that promise a few times. I never found love, no, but I did have crushes and innocent'ish fun along the way. But I always kept my eye on the prize. I knew that once I hit California and found what we were looking for, life would be nothing but golden from then on out. We stayed strong, talked all the time, hung out every night, laughed, had movie parties and dreamed of the future. Everything stayed perfect until August 2010. After over a year of working hard to make everything happen, the whole plan foils.

That's when my BFFF found "true love". Now, I'm not doubting that her and her boyfriend are really in love, because they truly seem like it and they seem genuinely happy, but it just hurts. REALLY FUCKING BAD. We started talking less and less, until we spoke only through memories and comments on facebook. Everything was "boyfriend this and boyfriend that." I, however, thought "Oh, it's just a phase, it'll blow over, I'll have my BFFF and my Cali trip back soon enough." That never happened. That will never happen. In less than 3 months I lost a BFFF and a potentially amazing future. I had to make "appointments" to hang out with her. Once, I asked her if we could watch a movie and she told me "If we watch it during the day, it'll have to be Friday because he's on vacation until then." Okay, you LIVE with him. I'm only asking, as a friend, for two, maybe three hours of your time and you couldn't even spare those few hours with me.

I'm so disappointed that a week or so ago, you started saying that you needed someone to talk to, and when someone asked why, you replied with "I don't have any friends anymore." I was not the one to abandon this friendship. I had merely abandoned all hope for things ever being as great as they once were, but I still loved my BFFF as much as I did the whole 3 1/2 years we were friends. I don't understand what made you think we weren't friends anymore. I don't know if I did something. I know I wasn't around as much as I used to be, but I figured you were off falling in love while I was off hanging out with friends who didn't ditch me. I always thought it was "Bros before hoes", but apparently for you, it's just the opposite of that.

I'm sorry I "deleted you" from facebook, but there's only a certain amount of times a person can read over and over again in survey after survey, that we're no longer friends. I just wish you had come to me and talked to me about it. Talked to me about what I had done to you that was so bad. I know I wasn't as supportive as I could have been when you told me you were pregnant and planning on getting married in the fall. But what could I have said? Thanks for breaking a promise. Thanks for putting me on the back burner. Thanks for absolutely nothing. Now, while I'm ecstatic that you're having a baby, I'm not so ecstatic that it's with the first person who has showed you any sort-of affection at all. You could have been truly happy with me and the boys out West. Now, it'll only be a memory because you're stuck. Stuck in the life you've made for yourself in just three short months. I'm being selfish, I know, but you know what? So were you.

So, have fun living life as a mother and a wife at the age of twenty-two. I hope everything works out for you just as you hope. I hope someday we can be best friends again. Lastly, I hope that you're happy and that your life is absolute bliss from here on out. I may have some hard feelings toward you and everything that's happened, but I will always love you as my sister and my best fucking friend forever, man.


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haters to the fucking left.

Apr. 4th, 2010 | 12:20 am
music: Vampire Weekend - M79 | Powered by Last.fm


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Here Comes The Sun ....

Mar. 6th, 2010 | 01:14 am
music: The Beatles - Blackbird (acoustic) | Powered by Last.fm

Day 05 → Your favorite quote.

"Friends are all souls that we've known in other lives. We're drawn to each other. That's how I feel about friends. Even if I have only known them for a day, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to wait till I have known them for two years, because anyway we have met somewhere before, you know." - George Harrison <3

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"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Mar. 4th, 2010 | 03:53 pm
music: The Runaways - Queens of Noise | Powered by Last.fm

Day 04 → Your favorite book.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower -- I read this book freshman year of High School, and I didn't feel so alone in the world anymore. Since then, I've read it dozens of times, and it still gets me every single time.

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I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation...

Mar. 3rd, 2010 | 02:07 pm

 Day 03 → Your favorite television program

Freaks and Geeks. Hands down, the best t.v. show, ever. (well, in my opinion) I can sit and watch these episodes OVER and OVER and OVER again and still laugh hysterically. And on the left, that's Bill, my favorite character. Gotta love Martin Starr :)<3

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"I think she said Feck!" "What's the difference?" "The letter 'U'!"

Mar. 3rd, 2010 | 02:05 pm

 Day 02 → Your favorite movie

This has and always will be my favorite movie of all time. OF ALL TIME. 

       I want to be Penny Lane ... but instead of having my own Russell, I want my own Jeff Bebe. 
The end <3


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"Pretty Eyed, Pirate Smile, You'll marry a music man..."

Mar. 3rd, 2010 | 02:04 pm

 Day 01 -> Your Favorite Song

'Tiny Dancer' by Elton John

I always have a hard time deciding what is my actual favorite song. But, I was debating my top 5, and this one always comes out on top. There's just something about it.

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Jan. 13th, 2010 | 11:50 pm
music: The Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy) | Powered by Last.fm


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In 2010 ...

Jan. 7th, 2010 | 09:12 pm
music: The Beatles - With a Little Help From My Friends | Powered by Last.fm

 Me and Leesey are keeping track of every movie we watch, and how many times we watch certain ones. This .... should be interesting ;) 

-'(500) Days Of Summer'
-'D3: Mighty Ducks'
-'Mighty Ducks'
-'New York, I Love You'

- 'Youth In Revolt'
-'A Big Package For You'
-'Leap Year'
-'One Last Thing'
-'Princess Protection Program'
-'The Goonies'
-'A Clockwork Orange'
 -'The Eduation of Charlie Banks'
-One Last Thing'
-'Mysterious Skin'
 -'The Girl Next Door'
-Man In The Chair'
-'Good Dick'
-'High School Musical 3'
-'Paranormal Activity'
- ''Help!'
- 'whip It'
- 'Zombieland' 
- 'Valentine's Day'
- 'The Wolfman'
- 'Bruno'
- 'The Time Traveler's Wife'
- 'Camille'
- 'Shutter Island'
- 'Romeo + Juliet'
- 'One Last Thing'
- 'Pineapple Express'
- 'Year One'
- 'Titanic'
- 'Gentlemen Bronco's'
- 'Alice In Wonderland' 
- 'Magical Mystery Tour'
- 'Twilight'
 - 'Matilda' 
- 'Gentlemen Bronco's'
- "Precious'
- 'Remember Me'
-A Hard Day's Night'
- 'Charlie & The Chocolate Factory'
- 'Harriet the Spy'
- 'The Forbidden Kingdom'
- 'Grease'
- 'The Last Song'
- 'Raising Arizona'
- 'Lords of Dogtown'
- 'Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone'
- 'The Runaways'
- 'Kick-Ass'
- 'The Last Song'
- '(500) Days Of Summer'
- 'Moulin Rouge'
- 'Goodfellas'

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You Know You're Head Over Heels For An Actor When...

Jan. 2nd, 2010 | 05:58 am
mood: tiredtired
music: Lady GaGa - I Like It Rough | Powered by Last.fm

 -You watch all of his movies he's done, even the ones that aren't your favorites, and you make cracks about them so much that you end up loving the movie, and needing to watch it all the time. 

-The highlight of your day is getting on Livejournal and seeing a new post from the community.

-Every cute little girly love song becomes about him.

-You take walks in 9 inches of snow, and 13 degree weather just so you can listen to that song & feel those butterflies.

-You take your best friend to Bulid-A-Bear for her birthday, and end up buying a little doggie because it reminds you of one of his movie characters -- then you name it accordingly. Freddie <3 

-You call your movie theater and ask why the hell they're not playing his latest flick.

-You get excited that you both own the exact same pair of shoes -- and by the looks of it, they seem to be your favorite pairs, too. 

-You trudge out in a monstrous rain storm to buy a magazine he was actually featured in that had an article that had NOTHING to do with his ex-girlfriend and the bullshit drama.

-You re-enact scenes from movies he was in with your best friend and post it on youtube.

-You wear a "stop sign" on your left ring finger as a warning to others that you're not interested in them.

-Every time you hear someone say their name, (even if it's just someone with the same name as them) you get a huge smile on your face.

-You make every 11:11 and sometimes 12:12 wish about him.

-You accept his flaws, and even think they're the cutest things about him ... and mention them on a daily basis. 

-You plan one giant trip with your best friend 2 years in advance, with tons of strategic planning and scheming, just in hopes you're going to meet him somehow.

-Every time you go somewhere, you imagine what it'd be like if he was with you. [ex: Dancing at the club. Eating at Olive Garden...]

-You take a note from the stars, and invent your own couple name. Helloooo SangaraH.

-You find out you listen to some of the same bands, and suddenly that bands music gets played a lot more by you.

-Whenever you look out at the moon, you imagine he's in Cali looking at it at the same time.

-You make up random stories with your best friend at 4 in the morning about what would happen if you ever met them.

-You make silly little bead bracelets with their name on it, and wear it everywhere. 

-You make pictures with you & him together just to see if you'd look cute together, and of course, you do :)

-You have his family's Dance website saved in your "Favorites" toolbar online.

-You search Facebook for people with the same last name as him, thinking it could be family.

-When you take Myspace / Facebook survey's  and it asks for a "relationship status" You always say: "Single, but my heart is taken."

-Even though you own all of his movies, you get giddy when one of them is playing on TV, and even watch it and recite the lines, annoying everyone else around you.

-You freak out when they actually show an episode of a TV show he was on years ago.

-You've seen his commercials he did when he first started out, and even recite them, and make "Lunar Mod-joo-wall" part of your daily vocabulary.

-You be sure and kiss their picture at Midnight on New Years Eve as the ball drops .. no matter what you're doing or who you're with.

-Things that used to repulse you with other people, you suddenly tolerate them when he's involved.

-When you're having an extremely shitty day, all you have to do is pop in one of his movies, and your day becomes instantly brighter.


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